Time for a Kinder, Gentler, Warmer, Fuzzier America
by Karen Williams - Oviedo Voice - Nov. 11, 2004
Whew! It’s finally over.
No more campaign speeches. No more TV ads featuring drooling wolves. No more redundant lawn signs dotting the highways and buy-ways. No more political arguments that turned nastier than the fights over tarps during Hurricane Charley.
America has voted (and voted and voted), and we have a winner, no beating around the Bush about it. Now it’s time to relinquish rancor, divisiveness, and goofy campaign hats and return to a united United States, thereby living up to our name. Here are some points to ponder as we relax/hunker down (choose one) for four more years:
To Bush supporters:
--This is no time to gloat. Gloating is ugly. Gloating rhymes with bloating. Gloating can play havoc with any future you might have in the Heinz ketchup factory. Remain low-key about the victory, and if you must yell to the Demos, “Wrong candidate, wrong place, wrong time,” go out in the woods where you won’t be heard. But watch for wolves.
--If you see a Kerry-supporter looking out-of-sorts, refrain from remarks such as “Snap out of it,” or “Why so glum, chum?” Such comments could be irritating. Say something truly consoling such as, “Well, at least you had Bruce Springsteen, Barbra Streisand, and shock-jock Howeird Stern on your side.” Leave it at that.
To Kerry supporters:
--Don’t whine, melt down, or push for impeachment. Don’t get mad, get busy—plan your strategy for 2008. Maybe, just maybe, Ken Jennings will have finished his winning run on Jeopardy by then. We’re talking VIABLE candidate here: the smartest (and soon richest) man in America. Big bucks for campaigning in Ohio.
--Stop the blame-game. Stop blaming Kerry for being a frozen waffle, stop blaming Bush supporters for having the intelligence of a turnip, stop blaming yourselves for not spending enough time in Cleveland. Try to find something—ANYTHING—good in the political situation. If it helps, think of Barney, the adorable First Dog, and the not-so-adorable mess he made recently on the Oval Office carpet.
It’s time our country again presents a strong, unified image to the world. As Barbra sings “People Who Need People,” may Howeird join hands with Rush, may Whoopi join hands with Condoleeza, may filmmaker Michael Moore give some of his infamous edible panties, designed to get college girls to vote for Kerry, to Vice President Cheney.
Hey, it’s America. Stranger things have happened. Or not.
Copyright 2004, Karen Williams
