Thanksgiving: Thankfully, It Comes But Once a Year
by Karen Williams - November 22, 2006 - Seminole Chronicle
Sometimes it's tricky to find something to be thankful for.
The war in Iraq isn't going well, unless it's viewed from the perspective of an insurgent. The situation in North Korea is akin to someone like Homer Simpson running a nuclear power plant, but not as funny. The stock market has been doing well, but that's bad news for folks who deposit their savings under their Serta Perfect Sleeper.
So - how do we get in a count-your-blessings mood?
We must become sleuths, detectives - ever searching for signs that things really aren't going to Hades in a handbasket.
Grabbing a Sherlock Holmes hat, a pipe, and Watson, I discovered some reasons to celebrate this Thanksgiving season:
- Dark chocolate has been declared a health food, for it contains antioxidants that help our heart and immune system.
- Our region escaped destructive hurricanes this season. Apparently we bought enough generators and plywood that Mother Nature (aka "Mommy Dearest") decided it wasn't worth the effort to mess with us.
- The election is over, and the yard signs should be down by March.
- There's an epidemic of obesity in America. That means those of us who are merely pudgy and bloated look good in comparison.
- Basketball icon Shaquille O'Neal aspires to become sheriff of Orlando. Maybe he'll have the bad guys shooting hoops instead of people.
- Donald Trump, along with Robert Kiyosaki, has written a book, Why We Want You to be Rich. It's nice to be on the same page with "the Trumpster," and maybe he'll spring for some startup capital.
- Some obscure chemist, worthy of 10 Nobel prizes in my estimation, once invented stuff to kill fire ants.
- Navigation devices in cars have eliminated the need to stop and ask directions when traveling. Now someone is tinkering with a device to eliminate restroom stops, but they've got a long way to go.
- Tight leggings are a big part of women's fall fashion. That means we can get some more mileage out of those regular pants that have, uh, "shrunk" in the dryer.
- Orlando has been declared the 25th most dangerous city in America due to rising local crime rates. That's not such bad news, for there are 24 cities more sinister than ours, including St. Louis and Detroit. Those Orlando statistics are probably bogus, anyhow, conjured up by Las Vegas, who wants to beat us out for the tourist trade. Until we see Mickey and Minnie wearing bulletproof vests, we can continue to feel safe here. Besides, Sheriff Shaq is headed our way.
- What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Good, we didn't want it anyway.
- The Orlando Magic basketball team appears destined for one of its best seasons in years. And the games at T.D. Waterhouse Centre are so full of noise and excitement that it's easy to forget you're all scrunched up in a seat that's too small.
- Martha Stewart's magazine shows her actually hosting Thanksgiving dinner in her country stables, with her horses looking on from their stalls. That means the rest of us can relax about our dirty floors and stopped-up toilets.
- Thanksgiving comes but once a year, and the rest of the time we get to gripe and moan about the weather, our aching back, the price at the pump, and the fact that we ate so much at the holidays that we have to buy a bigger bathrobe.
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Copyright 2006, Karen Williams
