Guess Who's Coming to Din-Din?
by Karen Williams | May 10, 2007 - Seminole Chronicle
My feller, Mark, and I plan to attend a convention at Miami's South Beach in June, and we're eager to visit the fancy restaurants in the area. I will, however, refuse to participate in any South Beach snobbery. Born and bred in rural Indiana, I'll laugh out loud at the haughty couture.
First, we'll check out the Setai Hotel. The restaurant there, one of the most opulent dining spots this side of the moon, will be populated by jet-setters and beautiful people. Well, lah-dee-dah. I myself am a jet-setter, having set in jets until my rump ached, and as far as beautiful - got that covered, too. My mother once told me, after I'd hammered a coconut open on the patio, that I'd made a "beautiful mess."
The Setai is expensive - a steak can set you back $70. This is a place to bring coupons and, if worst comes to worst, merely order french fries. But we do want to soak up the ambiance of the huge courtyard with a reflecting pool (wading, anyone?), the 20-foot domed ceilings, and walls and floors made of pressed metal, carved wood, antique brick, slate, stone, and who knows, maybe Jimmy Hoffa's rib cage.
We'll also mosey over to the Sardinia on Purdy Avenue. This restaurant lacks the palatial design of the Setai, but the food is said to be terrific, although, of course, at a Purdy price. Being an adventurer, I want to try a dish that mystifies me - osso bucco, polpettine, fregola, or salume. But I'll top it off with something familiar, such as their "crunchy fried sweetbreads." I want to see how creative they can get with sugar, cinnamon and dough.
And then there's Table 8 at the Regent South Beach Hotel. Their prices are reasonable by South Beach standards ($75 per person including wine and tip), although they're not reasonable by my standards ($75 for a family of 10 including replacement of damaged furniture). The restaurant seems to keep prices "low" by conserving electricity, for some tables are lit by only a meager candle. While this would seem compassionate at a greasy spoon eatery, we'll want to see what we're paying for at Table 8 (as well as find the spiffy restrooms), so I'll tote along a searchlight.
We'll also visit the David Bouley Evolution at the Ritz-Carlton, although I hear that the entrees lack flavor. (We'll bring some packets of Taco Bell sauce with the funny sayings, such as: "At night the sporks pick on me.") (Spork = spoon + fork.) Thank heaven, the desserts at David Bouley are said to be divine. The fromage blanc sorbet with macerated strawberries put one New York reviewer in a state of bliss, although perhaps he should have reported the crime perpetrated on the fruit.
Also not to be missed: Ola in the Sanctuary Hotel, which features Nuevo Latino food with inspiration from Peru, Ecuador, Colombia and Brazil as well as Don Pablo's. No lack of flavor here, it's said, so we'll leave those Taco Bell packets at home to fight off the sporks.
After our trip, we'll carefully incorporate our restaurant adventures into conversation: "As I was dining on octopus at the Sardinia ..." or "As I was sampling the cumin-rubbed lamb at Table 8 ..." or "As I was cordially escorted out of the reflecting pool at the Setai and deposited in the beautifully-landscaped parking lot..."
Maybe pretension isn't really so bad - especially when it comes with a good, square meal.
Copyright 2007, Karen Williams
