Baby Talk
by Karen Williams | February 17, 2006 - Seminole Chronicle
Men can be predictable creatures. No mood swings or sudden urges to re-arrange the garage, wallpaper the storage shed, or climb a grocery store shelf in pursuit of the last bag of Snickers.
But guys' aversion to innovation can spell trouble for those of us with fresh, new ideas, as I learned recently from my feller, Mark.
Mark is co-owner of Southeast Payphones, a company that places phones in convenience stores, hotels, etc., all over Florida. As conscientious as the day is long, Mark intends to keep each of his phones sparkling clean and in working order. The phones are so important to Mark that I began calling them his babies.
Each morning, Mark receives a computerized report on how the phones performed the previous day. When he learns a phone is out-of-order and must be repaired, I encourage him to say, "One of the babies is bawling." It's a nice way to personalize his work.
Now, I've never been an adviser to a Fortune 500 company or even to a Misfortune 500 company, but I know it's important to maintain an image that sets your business apart - something that sticks in people's minds like super glue.
Thus I devised ways to take this "baby" concept a step further.
First, I advised Mark to literally label each of the phones with a cute baby-type name, such as "Lil' Dumplin'," "Sweetie-Pie," "Baby-Cakes" and "Honey Buns." Despite making us ravenously hungry, this name game would establish an identity for each phone beyond that of a hunk of chrome and wires. Mark looked skeptical but heard me out.
Next, I would take it upon myself to paint a cute face on the front of each phone.
"If people have a choice between an ordinary payphone and one with an adorable baby face grinning at them, which do you think they'll choose?" I asked Mark.
He seemed dazed and confused, so I shared the next step. To complete the image, we would fit each little darlin' with an elasticized baby bonnet.
Mark squirmed, showing an inability to catch the vision, so I hurried to the coup de grass: We would give each technician whom Mark has hired to service the phones - Mike, David, Ray and Santos - a spiffy new image, too. They would become the (drum roll) "Phone Nannies," and we would paint a corresponding logo on their trucks and also dress them in aprons (frills and ruffles optional) and nurse's hats that proudly display the nanny insignia.
"And when the fellows arrive at a work site, they'll have their WD-40 disguised in baby bottles," I explained. "How adorable is that?"
"Hold the phone!" Mark exclaimed, looking intensely concerned. "With all this bizarre baby talk, are you, by any chance, trying to...uh...tell me...something?"
"Yes!" I chirped. "I'm trying to tell you how you can soon have people trashing their cell phones and rushing, in hordes, to use these distinctive payphones. Baby bonnet by baby bonnet, we'll rejuvenate the payphone industry! People will start feeding our little tykes so many coins that we'll be able to retire to some exotic place where the phone never rings!"
Sadly, Mark has failed to adopt the new business plan. For him, same-ole, same-ole is just fine, even when his "babies" are bawling for innovation and drool bibs.
And I consider that to be a dirty, cryin' shame. But there's not much I can do about it right now, as the nanny uniforms don't arrive until next week.
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Copyright 2006 - Karen Williams
