Grammar: It's Way More than a Guy Named Kelsey
by Karen Williams | March 17, 2006 - Seminole Chronicle
Because I'm a writer, friends sometimes feel uncomfortable sending e-mails to me.
"It's embarrassing to have you notice my poor spelling and grammar," they'll say.
I assure them that when I'm not engaged in a professional project, I "turn off" my writing and editing function. It's similar to encountering your family physician at a social gathering. He or she is not thinking, "Hmmmmm ... looks a little bloated today. The gall bladder is probably about to blow."
Actually, this is all a lie. We trained professionals cannot turn off our propensity to do what we do, even in a non-work setting. Yes, I do notice boo-boos in e-mails, brochures, post-it notes, and (for-sure) graffiti along the highway.
This would mean, of course, that doctors are evaluating and secretly diagnosing, even when we run on to them in the grocery checkout line, and they're pretending to read the headlines on The National Enquirer, as normal people do.
Just as a doctor loves to diagnose, I love all aspects of writing and editing. Back in junior high English class, I had to subdue my frenzy of delight when we studied the various parts of speech. And when we had to diagram sentences - oh, my - I went into a state of almost zoned-out bliss, something that, in those days, was viewed with less suspicion than now.
The downside of loving to write is, of course, the pain inflicted by poor wording, poor grammar, and poor spelling - especially when I notice it in my own writing just after it has gone to print. That scenario can prompt me to throw my dictionary - WHOMP - against the wall and to flagellate myself with my computer mouse cord. (Ouch.)
I receive few advertisements and "junk mail" these days, but it's not because I live a charmed life. On various occasions, I have used my omnipresent red editing pen to circle grammatical errors in an ad and then I sent it back to the business that issued it. I've not yet received the first note of appreciation, but I guess less mail is "thanks" enough.
My daughter, Emily, 16, shares my love of writing. For us, a fun evening consists of a bowl of popcorn and competing to see who can find the most grammatical errors in magazines and newspapers. (This particular newspaper is omitted, for there are none to be found.) The first person to find 25 errors receives a Slurpee beverage bought at the local 7-Eleven by the loser. Could life get much better? (Well, only if 7-Eleven would spell "Slurpee" right.)
Thus I was bewildered recently to find that Emily had composed an essay in which she made two of the most common grammatical errors known to modest man. She confused your and you're and also there, their, and they're.
OK, I could cope with mouthiness, breaking curfew, or even running away from home to join the circus. But no child of mine is going to have bad grammar.
Thus for Emily and anyone else who might commit this type of egregious mistake, we'll hammer this out, once-and-for-all:
You're (contraction of you and are) going to look pitifully ignorant if you don't learn your (possessive) grammar.
There (as in "once upon a time") were some people who didn't learn their (possessive) grammar, and now they're (contraction of they and are) giving people like me horrendous heartburn.
And they're causing me to laugh like a hyena at their e-mails.
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Copyright 2006 - Karen Williams
