Dave Barry Is Stealing My Thunder
by Karen Williams | November 09, 2006 - Seminole Chronicle
Well, he's done it again. Miami-based humorist Dave Barry has caused upheaval, this time on a college campus.
It seems that a Ph.D. student, Stuart Ditsler, posted a quote by Dave Barry on his office door in the Philosophy Department at Marquette University. The quote read: "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government."
A Marquette University administrator removed the quote, calling it "patently offensive."
Facing what he felt was the arbitrary exercise of political censorship, Ditsler contacted the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE), and they've taken up his cause.
I hope Dave Barry is happy with himself. Maybe, just maybe, he'll think twice the next time he writes something that might be quoted and hung from a door. Better yet, maybe he'll stop writing at all and allow me and other light-hidden-under-a-bushel humorists to receive some acclaim.
I'm tired of living in this guy's shadow. Speaking of which, when I was recently in Miami visiting my son, I felt that Dave Barry had me shadowed. I guess he senses that I'm a threat to his career, for I noticed various people seemed to be following us as we walked near Biscayne Boulevard. Whenever I turned around for a sudden confrontation, each follower would pose as a panhandler asking for cash.
"Stop spying for Dave Barry!" I'd yell. "You've really sunk to a low level here!" At that point, the "panhandler" would slink away, muttering something into a hidden electronic gadget that linked them to Barry-land.
The most recent instance in which Dave Barry stole my thunder and paycheck involved Reader's Digest magazine. Their monthly humor columnist, Mary (Oh-please-dear-Lord-let-me-change-my-name) Roach has been on sabbatical, so I took it upon myself to submit funny stories to be used in her absence.
Apparently my work (perhaps through Barry's sabotage) never reached the humor editor, as the editor himself began writing columns about diets, yard work and other boring topics I would never force people to endure. "I must rescue this fellow before he has to fire himself," I declared, submitting even more funny stories of my own.
So what happened? The October Reader's Digest carried a story by Dave Barry! It's called "Home Sickness," and it's not even an article he wrote specifically for Reader's Digest. It's an excerpt from Barry's 2006 book, Dave Barry's Money Secrets. And there's information about how to order the book for $24.95, so that the author can continue his quest to become richer than God.
The article details how Barry and his wife suffer from Old House Delusion Disease (OHDD). This malady leads them to buy aging, fixer-upper houses while overlooking the fact they'll shell out so much for remodeling that they'll put the repair people's kids through Harvard.
Well, isn't that a dirty, crying shame? I think it's time that Barry did his own repair work, giving the carpenters a breather from his crumbling mansions and giving me a breather from living in obscurity.
Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe I'm twisted. But why can't Dave Barry call it quits and go polish his Pulitzer Prize in anonymity? Let him give someone else, such as me, a shot at fame. My innocuous cast of characters - from Smitty the Mathematician to Andy Acura, from Miss Conventionality to Bonnie the Power Dater - will never spark dissension on somebody's office door.
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Copyright 2006, Karen Williams
